These Most Beautiful Things I See

After over a year of drought, I finally got the chance to join up with Ween tour a few weeks ago when they made their way (barely) into the great Northwest. The first show we caught was in Bend, Oregon. There were so many feelings I had about going to these shows- feelings my feeble brain hasnít had time to chew and spit out in a meaningful way. Hopefully the pictures will be sufficient.

Not our stop.

Bend was open, outdoors, I got a kick in the head and was headbutted in the (still not fuly recovered) teeth by some fucked up giant. I got a gift of wine and my ass kicked to high hell in foosball (by Mickey who sadly didnít play ëMy Own Bare Handsí that night.) We smoked, drank and then hit the road.

Eureka was amazing. The drive down was so gorgeous I was gasping aloud: ocean, fog, ancient magical trees as thick as houses, the coast, the cliffs- it was perfect. We left Bend around 1 in the morning, slept at a scenic viewpoint for three hours and then drove the rest of the way. Dave called from across the street when we got there and we had a pool party.

The crowd was great in Eureka, I was surrounded by tons of awesome people who intentionally prevented me from smashing my loose teeth again. In fact, these dudes even bought me beers (thanks Jerome!)

The show was a brainsplitter. Backstage people were insanely generous with their weed (praise Humboldt county!) One woman gave me enough chronic to smoke for the rest of the tour, just because I thanked her for rolling a joint.

We drank upstairs in the green room and then walked around the block (repeatedly) to find a bar. Eventually we just drank beer from the bus on some concrete stairs till the guys had to take off.

We worked the week and then took off again for a 25 hour drive to Albuquerque to catch the end of the tour, sleeping in truck stops and driving in our underwear through the southwestern heat.

The morning of the show, Dave called for another pool party.

We splashed around and listened to dueling bass jazz and a loud gymnastics convention. Albuquerque was hoppiní. After swimming we met up with Mickey, grabbed dinner (which for me was just beer.) Then it was off to the venue.

The show was PHENOMENAL. The best of the tour for me and one of my top 4 favorite Ween shows of all time. The set was just fuckiní sexy. Here is a video clip of the pinnicle of Weenís sexiness that night. I thought my knees were gonna give out. Apparently Mickey has only played this at three shows and Iíve been lucky enough to catch all of them from the front row. (Zurich, Ft. Collins, Albuquerque.) To say it made my night would be an understatement.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ls1BNGlnCLY

I'm actually almost positive this song got me pregnant. Goddammit Dean Ween is one mindfuckingly sexy mu'fucka.

Afterward there was dancing, drinking, smoking, laughing, food from street vendors, hotel rooms, a lost earring and then driving till the wee hours of morn. Again, although the guys had offered up their hotel rooms, we decided to drive thru the nite and take a chunk off the following day. Weíre actually pretty content to sleep on the road. Lars was up at sunrise and started driving again while I slept off a few hours of beer brain in the back.

Red Rocks.

(these dudes were literally about 250 feet up in this rockface. dunno how the fuck they got there... jetpack?)

Meat Puppets. Ween. Huge crowd. A stone tunnel with stairs and walls signed by all the greats whoíd graced the stage. Indescribably beautiful venue.

We watched the Meat Puppets do soundcheck.

ëMy Own Bare Handsí has never been so epic. It was a good show, and although the 10,000 person venues are usually not my thing- it was worth it.

We still felt that way after the 21 hour drive home the next day.

Now Iím home. I have a lot to do and not much to say. I'm neck deep in my next body of work and think Iíll be holed up in my studio for the next two months or before resurfacing with new work. Stay posted, I'll be showing at least one more time before the year is out, probably locally. Then- next spring it'll be the east coast! Can't wait.

Love,
Thea "Too Much For Words" Wolfe

Posted on 18 Sep 2009, 7:34
- . - .

The longest day of Summer

This is not a blog entry about art: it's about things far more beautiful than the work I create. Itís a glimpse of the souls and other things that cause my heart to fly screaming out of my chest onto canvas, into song- the things that build the bones which hold me upright.

I hit a dryspell once I finished touring. Iíd seen beautiful things, many of which I painted- but everything felt dry and uncertain.

I often feel like Iím swinging on invisible monkeybars in the sky. The sense of accomplishment is so great when I grab another unseen rung and propel forward- I canít help but continue, in spite of history, odds and danger. The sense of fear never occurs to me, although I have fallen from unthinkable heights. I am built to be fearless, resilliant and unquestioning of my nature. I always believe I will rise again, because swinging through the sky is the closest to flying I have ever known, and flight is everyone's oldest dream.

It started a week and a half ago with the arrival of my Lady Love (Cynthia) and my BFF (Diamond). Itíd been a year to the day since Iíd last visited them in Brooklyn and my stomach was clenched with excitement. I picked them up from their 27 hour ride on the Greyhound with cold beers and open arms. I tried to contain my excitement, embracing them when i wanted to scream and jump into their arms. In emotional moments I have a strange shyness that comes out.

BFF, Cyn and I went back to my house and drank IPAís until Lars came home. I was happy just looking at them. They are the such beautiful creatures to me. Together we have a heightened sense of natural freedom. I drank in their beauty as we finished our beers and told BFF I needed a haircut.

Once the beers were gone, we went to the store and I grabbed citrus, ginger ale and mint to mingle with the gallon of Gin theyíd brought on the bus. We wanted to drink out of the same container so I found a vase.

With the drink taken care of we turned our attention to hair. They decided I needed a lightning bolt on the side of my head. I threw a blanket on the roof and we all went outside to catch the last bit of sunshine. Diamond made me a prettier girl and we drank heartily.

ìI want to keep you guys forever,î I told them, begging them to leave Brooklyn and move into my basement.

ìIím not throwing the idea out of bed,î Cyn tells me.

Cyn always wants my short shorts shorter. I oblige.

I love her so much I let her feed me floor salad out of her mouth. Oh, the things I'll do for sexy-mexi lady love.

After two vases of Gin, we headed down to Capitol Hill.

I canít remember why we even went other than that we were hungry and without direction. We ended up getting huge burritos from Taco Del Mar and rolling around in the park.

Cynthia told me I needed more underboob with my shirt, but Iím too small-chested to provide, so we swapped shirts and she reigned as Underboob Queen.

Once the burritos were gone we walked back to the car- Cyn and I arm in arm, still drunk on Gin and sweaty where our skin touched the sky. It was perfect and ordinary and I was happier than Iíd been in a while. At home I made another vase of poison and we laughed and rolled into the night.

The next days were spent in much the same way- although we got to see more of our other mutual friends- Melissa and Jeff. We ate more burritos. I wore Diamondís clothing and saved Jeffís mom from drowning in the kiddie pool (the lifeguard didnít care.) I am a true American hero.

There was so much happiness.

Oh. I forgot to mention the fate of the hair we shaved off my head. We dreaded it into one fantastic lock (dipped into many an unsuspecting receptacle for good luck.) We then sewed it to Diamonds hat, as his hair is too straight and short to attach it adequately to his head. Diamond will be wearing our dreadlock throughout his cross-country bike ride back to New York. BFF's FO' LIFE!

My wife is hotter than your wife. Sorry.

My good Friend Dave (Mary Beth) came over to help with our hair aspirations. And also to help me get into moonshoes after I was far too lost in the sauce for velcro.

I learned things. For example, Bleach doesn't pair well with IPA. In fact, it tastes icky.

Since we split the time up as hosts, they were staying at Jeff and Melissaís when their friend Devon (the Strongman) joined them.

I arrived around 11 in the morning and missed the coffee so someone poured me Rainer in a hobo cup. We put on Whitney Houston, Danzig and Tina Turner and had the most fervent karaoke dance party of all time. Seriously, there were lifts, chest hair, tears, and sweet WWE moves. Even Alex, (Melissaís indescribably gorgeous and brilliant 11 year old son) unwillingly participated.

We danced, sang as loud as our lungs would permit and did acrobatic tricks on bike racks to make passerbyís smile (well, I did anyway.)

We hung out until almost 5, mostly at the house except for the last few hours, which were spent at Six Arms (their IPA microbrew sucks a dick, btw.) We wanted to hang out that night, but it was the first night of the Capitol Hill Block Party. Neither Lars or I had wanted to be on the hill for that event, but we agreed to come down anyway. These guys are worth it.

We got there around 8 and the hill was slammed. It was probably the wrong time of night to come and find parking, but we wanted to see them and agreed to brave the shitty parking. We found a spot that was about a 25 minute walk away, but the evening was so gorgeous we enjoyed it.

All the boys wanna wear my clothes.

Iím not sure where things got tricky, but surely the Strongman was my downfall.

The Strongman's arms are thicker than my thighs and my inner 11- year old wanted nothing more than to climb him like a magic beanstalk all night long. Iíd jumped on him earlier that day and been thrown into the air so high my heart raced as though I was flying without wings. It's like the feeling of fear, but bubbling skyward rather than spiraling down into your gut. We became an impromptu sideshow- sometimes for our friends, passerbyís on the street or just for our own entertainment. It was beautiful. When he offered to do a beer run, I followed him like a puppy who dreamt of being a bird.

I suppose I should have taken the hint when I fell from his straight-armed lift and hit my face on the newspaper box, but I didnít. It smarted a tiny bit, sure- but I was much more interested in getting higher than I was in the fear or pain.

We returned to the house with the care of beer. Each of us grabbed one and returned back outside where we continued our tricks. I knocked my beer down immediately, but didnít care. I wasnít at all interested in beer at this point and hadnít been for hours. We were playing a much more interesting game. I donít think the Strongman even touched his.

Lady Love stole me away for a quick dance.

Things truly went haywire when we started trying new, complex swingdancing moves. I didnít know what we were doing, but Iíd felt safe all night and wanted nothing more than to keep playing. Unfortunately, our third attempt went terribly awry.

I donít remember anything between the laughing and mid air spinning and the deep contact with the pavement. I never saw it coming. I lay there for a few seconds in shock and then said, ìI broke my teeth.î

Cynthia, Devon and Lars were in shock. I donít think any of them saw it coming any better than I did. ìNo you didnítÖ..î the Strongman sounded suddenly less sure of himself.

ìI did,î I told him. When I lifted my face, I covered it, feeling the blood coming quickly and washing down my chin and chest. My first thought was for my Granny, who I knew would be crushed by the fact Iíd stupidly injured myself. I prayed Alex was in bed and would sleep through the whole thing.

This pic is very blown out, but it's the only shot Lars took right afterward. There was blood everywhere. Sidewalk, hands, arms, chest..

I guess the people inside heard the loud "CLACK" of my teeth on the pavement and came to the door to let me in. I went straight to the bathroom. They told me not to look in the mirror, but I needed to. My upper teeth had gone through the outer part of my lip, which was now hanging loosely from three sides of the cut. Three teeth were shattered, although still in my head with the exception of part of the front left one.

I sat down on the tub and tried to be as quiet and motionless as I could be so the chaos around me would go smoothly. I bled all over Melissaís towels, dishrags and bathroom. Someone noticed that my knee and elbow were mangled and started cleaning my wounds. Melissa brought me four Ibuprofin but my lip was hanging in such a way I couldnít take pills.

As foolish as it is, the thoughts that occurred to me in the bathroom were ëHow will I ever be able to afford this dental work!?í And then, ëDonít let them see how much you hurt, because youíve already hurt them enough.í Devon tried to hand Lars a wad of cash. He was keeping calm, but I could see in his eyes that he was traumatized. We refused the cash. It wasn't right. He was probably suffering worse than I was at that point.

Once we got our heads together, Lars realized he had to get the car to take me to the ER. Unfortunately Mrs. Chang was a long way away. He left in a hurry, and Melissa chased after him, running the whole way to the car in her bare feet.

I donít quite remember how everything else unfolded. I remember going to the kitchen for more ice or a new rag (I canít quite remember which) but after that everything became surreal. I donít remember how, but suddenly I was on the floor of the kitchen. My vision had gone flat and purple and I began shaking uncontrollably and sweating profusely. The Strongman put his hand on my back and I vaguely heard him tell someone I was burning up. I felt incredibly sick, as though I was going to lose all control of my body and explode with illness. I canít remember ever being so physically vulnerable- at least not consciously. Iím not used to being the vulnerable one. Iím usually the caregiver and have always had trouble asking for help. This was a turning point for me, because I absolutely couldnít take care of myself.

ìI think Iím gonna be sick,î I told Devon, feeling too weak and dizzy at this point to even lift my head. He took me to the bathroom, opened the toilet, stroked my hair and rubbed my back. I held my head over the toilet until I didnít have the strength anymore. He closed it and let me lay my face on the lid. ìItís OK, sweetheart,î he told me. ìIf you get sick and make a mess, Iíll clean it up.î I decided to completely trust him.

I donít know how much time passed. Iím sure it was less than it felt like. This is the first time I can remember ever going into shock. I was incredibly hot at first and then very, very cold. Devon stroked my hair, and wiped me down with wet towels to cool my fever and clean the blood and sweat. I asked him to please stay with me, and he said, ìOf course,î as if it was a given. It wasnít a given to me, though.

Last time Iíd needed someone to stay with me, I had asked for it. They said they would, but didnít. I wound up in a very dark situation that Iím still healing from. I survived that situation alone and scared to trust anyone again, believing only I could be trusted to carry my weight. The fact that Devon stayed helped heal a hidden wound that has festered for years.

Diamond, being my BFF wanted to help too, but couldnít do much beyond wetting towels for Devon. He decided to go into the living room and make me a ìget wellî card. He returned to the bathroom with a card in hand. ìHey BFF,î he said, ìI made you something.î

ìShe canít really lift her head right now,î Devon told him.
ìOh, OK,î Diamond responded. ìIíll just put it in your pocket for later.î He jammed the card in my pocket.

When Lars arrived Melissa ran inside to tell us he was here. Cynthia came and helped Devon get me to the car. She had her head down and I saw that she was crying. That was the only moment I almost lost it. Iíd been calm and collected through the whole experience until I saw that Iíd made my Lady-Love cry. At this point, I nearly broke.

ìPlease donít cry,î I told her, trying to wipe her tears with my bloody hands. ìIím fine!î She nodded, hugged me and continued crying silently. They put me in Mrs. Chang and I was off. I felt like the worst Gay-nadian wife ever.

By some miracle, I was the only person at the ER. It was close to 1AM and I received immediate care. They covered me with warm blankets since I was still shaking from shock and started an IV to get the fluids back in my system.

Naturally, the Doctor assumed I was a junkie based on the way I look and decided it would be perfectly fine to treat me with Motrin. I sat there without the energy to argue. Iíd just shattered three teeth, busted open my lip, skinned my elbow so you could see bone and smashed my knee so hard they thought it was broken. Motrin. Neat.

I gave it a shot though. It didnít do SHIT. The nurse came back. She looked at my face and said, ìYou need something stronger.î

I told her, ìIím not a junkie. I donít even smoke cigarettes.î (For clarification, readers- I have NEVER EVER smoked cigarettes. I'm just not that cool.)

She shook her head and said, ìThis is why I tell my sons not to get tattooed. Donít worry. Iím gonna get you something better.î

She disappeared for awhile and the doctor came back and said, ìYou know, intravenous Motrin can take awhile to take effect. Sometimes 20 minutes.î

At this point, my sweet, soft-spoken husband lost it. ìCanít you see she needs something stronger?!î he snapped. ìSheís not a fucking junkie!î He angrily informed the doctor. Two mintues later the nurse returned with a smile and a syrenge. ìThis is the strongest painkiller we have,î she informed me. She pushed the narcotic into my IV and the pain was dulled enough that I could unclench my muscles a little.

The x-rayed me and, much to my relief, I hadnít broken anything beyond my teeth. I was wheeled to another room and a new nurse came in to clean the gravel out of my wounds and prepare me for stitches. I was also given a second dose of the good painkiller before the doctor came in to sew me up.

Here's my cleaned up face. Not so bad, eh? This shot is from the good side- you could really see the open gash from the other side, but in the chaos we didn't get a shot from the right.

Granted, the doctor was kinda a dry little butthole who initially refused me painkillers but when he told me that his background was in plastic surgery, I was grateful to have him. He stitched my lip up, and then, when he wasnít entirely happy with a couple of the stitches, he re-did them. It hurt like hell (especially the six Lidocaine injectinos in my bottom lip), but once the gash was closed, everything felt a lot better and my lip looked like it would heal fairly seamlessly.

Here's my face all sewed up. Once the open gash was sewn up it felt a lot better.

They gave me a prescription for stupid Vicoden. I waited by the triage nurse. I know itís against policy to sit down in the ìcheck-inî chair, but I promised to move if anyone else came into the ER. I liked the guy. He had a Jack McBrayer quality that I found soothing and uplifting. We were chatting a bit back and forth when I remembered that Diamond had made me a get well card. I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at it. It made me laugh.

I know. My BFF is 2 cool 4 school.

Nurse ìMcBrayerî asked if he could see it. I handed it to him. He paused, puzzled by the front and the opened it. ìHeís a good artist,î he told me.

It was 6AM when we left the ER and I was in the kitchen at 8AM to put an emergency call into my dentist and bake a cake for my beloved Jeffís Thriller themed surprise party. Thatís how fucking metal I am.

It was hot as hell, around 100 degrees and being that our kitchen is on the second story- things got pretty toasty. I was afraid the layers would slide right apart. Iím not gonna pretend like it was the prettiest cake I ever made, but it stayed together and from what I heard, it tasted good, too.

We got to Jeff and Melissaís around 8:30. I wasnít walking too well at this point due to my mangled knee so Lars dropped me off out front and went to look for parking. Melissa gave me the biggest, loviest hug imaginable and nothing really seemed to hurt that badly anymore. As strange as it sounds, after Iíd broken my face the night before, all I could think about was how important it was to make sure everyone knew I was OK. Everyone had looked really scared, especially the unfortunate first-hand witnesses. I knew Lars was pretty broken up about it and a little bird told me that Cynthia and Devon had been up all night in tears. The truth is, I was lucky. I hit the ground with my face and elbow from a back flip position. If I hadnít spun quite as much as I did, or managed to break part of the fall with my elbow, I could have broken my neck. My dentist told me that if i didn't have the permanent braces behind my front teeth, i would have knocked them out of my head. As it was, my front three teeth were so loose the pressure of my upper lip was enough to move them. I felt lucky to be walking away with no more than a head injury, busted lip, missing chunk of elbow and a few broken teeth. I honestly think something like that is almost harder to watch than to experience. I would take my role in things any day, over having to watch Lars do the same thing.

Going to the party might not have been in line with doctors orders, but it was the best thing for me. The Strongman greeted me when I walked through the door and said heíd made me something. He lead me to the living room where I saw the most magnificent Olympic Championís uniform Iíd ever seen. Heíd gone to Goodwill, found an amateur boxing helmet (which he painted the Olympic logo on), an American flag (which he sewed into a cape) and an old lady pendant, which he flipped around and made into a medal, complete with red, white and blue ribbon.

The night was perfect.

My bro even stopped by.

Stupid Air Conditioning unit, blowing out Jeff's birthday tealight and stealing our glory...

Warning: This birthday boy bites.

Of course, all dreams come to an end. We had a few more great days: matching BFF tattoos, watching the sun rise from my roof, meeting up with amped up tweakers off Craigslist for bike trailers.... the usual pleasures that come from the Gift of BFF.

I actually fell asleep while Casey tattooed my neck. It's the most sleep i got the whole time BFF, Cyn and the Strongman were in town.

WOOOO! BFF's FO' LIFE!

I started crying even before it was time. I didnít want them to leave but they had to. I left them at Jeff and Melissaís house to have assemble their bikes. I had to bake a pie for my sweet (and now skinny) friend Kirk, whoís been on the road so long his skinny pants are falling off.

After dinner with Kirk I had about half an hour to forty minutes before it was time for Gomez (who Kirk was doing sound for.) I ran back up to the hill to spend precious minutes with everyone again. Melissa, Cyn and my old friend Willow were all cooking. I sat down on Devonís tree-trunk leg and hugged him, drank in the sites and sounds and smells of these people I love so deeply. It was really over. The dream was ending. 30 minutes passed in a blink of an eye and we hugged goodbye. Cynthia had left without a word, thinking Iíd be there when she got back but I couldnít wait. I was already late for the first part of Gomez and I had a pie to deliver to Kirk.

The show was excellent. This was the first time Iíd seen Gomez and I have to say, they exceeded my expectations. They are definitely a band best experienced live. I was still so sore from my accident that standing was difficult for an extended period so Kirk invited me up into the soundbooth and I sat in a comfy leather chair and watched him work.

He is such a good, hard worker and genuine human being. It occurred to me again that of all the things that have come about from the Ween Coloring Book, he was the best. I was swept up in a wave of love and appreciation for this beautiful man who Iíve come to be so close to.

At the end of the show, Kirk had to help with gear. I hadnít said goodbye to Cyn and knew I had to so I texted her. No response. Fuck it, I thought. Iíll just go pound on the window. I had JUST enough time to run up the hill, kiss her goodbye and then come back to the Showbox to give Kirk a pie.

Lars and I flew up the hill. I went to the window at the Glengary. ìBFF!!î I whisper-yelled thru the window. ìLemme in!î

BFF came to the door and let me in. Cyn was in the kitchen. The look on her face when she saw Iíd come back for her was worth a thousand gold roses with ruby thorns. I put my arms her, told her how much I loved her even though she knows. She kissed my good lip over and over. I didnít want to let her go, but I knew I had to. I blew a kiss to the sleeping Strongman, hugged BFF hard and it was time. Cyn walked us outside and leaned through the window to give Lars to big kisses goodbye. Farewell, Lady Love. Of all the women Iíve run with, this is the only one Iíve ever loved like this. Sheís my one and only, perfectly designed to fall effortlessly into perfection in my heart and life. Of COURSE her boyfriend is my BFF. Everything is easy, happy and beautiful between us. As we pulled away, I tried not to show that my heart was cracked worse than my smile.

Then it was time to hug Kirk goodbye. This evening both nourished and tore at my heart in ways I canít possibly describe. I felt a wave of need and desire- a burning to be important somehow to these people who I love so profoundly, to give back (in some form) what they've given me. I didnít want Kirk to go. I grabbed his hands, told him how much I loved him and then, reluctantly- sent him back to the tour bus with pie.

Walking back to the car, I didnít cry. I felt dry and empty like a desert. It won't be forever- nothing ever is, although i foolishly wish for it sometimes.
[b][/b]

Stay tuned. I have so much that i couldn't tell/show you that I'll be painting about in the next few months. I feel like I've finally hit water after all these months of drought. Check back soon and I'll have paintings of the oceans, mirages... whatever the come to be. Until then.

May you be free.
Thea "Guardian of the Goddamn Universe" Wolfe

Posted on 12 Aug 2009, 16:05
- . - .